Twitter has been buzzing with micro-reports of Jackie Chan’s heart attack and subsequent passing, but the martial arts star is not dead. It’s just another Twitter hoax that has crept into the trending topics.
This is some awesome stuff.
Verse One: Humpty Hump (Shock G)
Stop whatcha doin’
’cause I’m about to ruin
the image and the style that ya used to.
I look funny
but yo I’m makin’ money see
so yo world I hope you’re ready for me.
Now gather round
I’m the new fool in town
and my sound’s laid down by the Underground.
I drink up all the Hennessey ya got on ya shelf
so just let me introduce myself
My name is Humpty, pronounced with a Umpty.
Yo ladies, oh how I like to hump thee.
And all the rappers in the top ten–please allow me to bump thee.
I’m steppin’ tall, y’all,
and just like Humpty Dumpty
you’re gonna fall when the stereos pump me.
I like to rhyme,
I like my beats funky,
I’m spunky. I like my oatmeal lumpy.
I’m sick wit dis, straight gangsta mack
but sometimes I get ridiculous
I’ll eat up all your crackers and your licorice
hey yo fat girl, c’mere–are ya ticklish?
Yeah, I called ya fat.
Look at me, I’m skinny
It never stopped me from gettin’ busy
I’m a freak
I like the girls with the boom
I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom
Allow me to amaze thee.
They say I’m ugly but it just don’t faze me.
I’m still gettin’ in the girls’ pants
and I even got my own dance
The Humpty Dance is your chance to do the hump
Do the Humpty Hump, come on and do the Humpty Hump
Do the Humpty Hump, just watch me do the Humpty Hump
Do ya know what I’m doin’, doin’ the Humpty Hump
Do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
People say “Yo, Humpty, you’re really funny lookin'”
that’s all right ’cause I get things cookin’
Ya stare, ya glare, ya constantly try to compare me
but ya can’t get near me
I give ’em more, see, and on the floor, B,
all the girls they adore me
Oh yes, ladies, I’m really bein’ sincere
’cause in a 69 my humpty nose will tickle ya rear.
My nose is big, uh-uh I’m not ashamed
Big like a pickle, I’m still gettin’ paid
I get laid by the ladies, ya know I’m in charge,
both how I’m livin’ and my nose is large
I get stoopid, I shoot an arrow like Cupid,
I use a word that don’t mean nothin’, like looptid
I sang on Doowhutchalike, and if ya missed it,
I’m the one who said just grab ’em in the biscuits
Also told ya that I like to bite
Well, yeah, I guess it’s obvious, I also like to write.
All ya had to do was give Humpty a chance
and now I’m gonna do my dance.
Oh, yeah, that’s the break, y’all
Let me hear a little bit of that bass groove right here
Now that I told ya a little bit about myself
let me tell ya a little bit about this dance
It’s real easy to do–check it out
First I limp to the side like my leg was broken
Shakin’ and twitchin’ kinda like I was smokin’
Crazy wack funky
People say ya look like M.C. Hammer on crack, Humpty
That’s all right ’cause my body’s in motion
It’s supposed to look like a fit or a convulsion
Anyone can play this game
This is my dance, y’all, Humpty Hump’s my name
No two people will do it the same
Ya got it down when ya appear to be in pain
Humpin’, funkin’, jumpin’,
jig around, shakin’ ya rump,
and when the dude a chump pump points a finger like a stump
tell him step off, I’m doin’ the Hump.
Black people, do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
White people, do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
Puerto Ricans, do the Humpty Hump, just keep on doin’ the hump
Samoans, do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
Let’s get stoopid!
Oh, yeah, come on and break it down
Once again, the Underground is in the house
I’d like to send a shout out to the whole world,
keep on doin’ the Humpty Dance,
and to the ladies,
peace and humptiness forever
She loved her place on the ocean hill drive. Staring out at the sea. It did not feel that so long ago she was once young and in love. From the first day she had laid eyes on him. She began to fantasize of their first moment. She wanted him on her part of the beach. Her sand. Her water. It was all that she had but it was hers. To feel the cold gritty sand on her back. The sound of the surf pounding behind them. With them. The Sizzle of the water as it rush across the beach. The weight of his body. Pressing her into the shore.To see the sky. She wanted him. But he was so young.
The past is a place that few go with an open heart or an open mind. The past is always controlled by the view of the present. Nothing wrong has ever happened in the past unless you let it. But now her past has come calling. Wanting its payment in full. Payment that will change the futures of those she comes into contact with. Making them but a brief memory in the chain of events called her life. Nothing wrong has ever happened in the past, unless you let it, and she had. The clouds are starting to roll in. The wind is moving through the trees with out a care. Death’s shadow is on the ground. The beauty in its reds, oranges and yellow make it a festive thing so as to disguise the truth. What was once a giver is no more. A slow death is at her feet. A work of art that nature has taken time to build is no more. It pulls you in then just like a succubus stings you with it’s cold heart of winter. Grey skys and cold ocean winds. The icy tomb awaits. So does the future.
She grab his hand. Pulling him in her direction. Pulling him, smiling as she did. But just for a second something deep was telling her to stop. Should she? She pulled him. They walked along the beach. Feeling his hand. The old expression fits like a glove came to her mind. It had been a long time since something fit. Her hands where ruff and worn. His felt gentle. No scar’s of life have seen these hands. But should she. Should she give to him what was hers? He had not asked for it. Neither had she. Richard had given “it” to her. Now Richard was gone. Leaving her behind and it. Sometimes at night she could almost feel it. It moving through her. Eating at her. Draining her each day. Each hour. Each minute. She did not want to think of…of it. She wanted to be in the moment. This moment. This hour. This minute, with just him. Not it. The cold water lapped at their feet. The sand buckled at each step. The grit between her toes made for her longing to feel love once more on her back. It was stirring. To stare at the sky one more time with a man in charge. Not it. But it would get in the way. It was throbbing. It had a purpose. She was getting dizzy. They where almost there. Once around the bend they would be out of sight. So many had came down this path. Over the years she had forgotten the numbers. She was tired of it. Sick of it. Richard had never been honest with her. But his kind could never be. If she had only knew then. She longed for someone to just take her away. As they stepped around the corner, the corner where it always happened she felt a pull from him. His hands now hot. Strong. Powerful. He pulled her so fast. So hard. She didn’t feel….it . She slump to one knee. Falling forward. Her hands now breaking the momentum. Sand between her fingers. Her palms feeling the burn of lost skin as the weight of her frame pushed them across the beach. Then she felt light. Her feet left the sand. Then the pounding of her heels hitting the water hard as she realized she had been flipped like a rag doll onto her back. She saw the sky.
The cold waves hit her face. She tried to breathe. It was water that came in. Choking her. The sky grew dim. His image was blocking her view now. The gurgling sound the water made as it was passing by her ears sang to her. Death was near. She turned her head to cough. But it would not come. Again the water hits her with its cold dead slap. Her nose now stinging. Full of salty liquid. She is being raised by her hair. His hands. Hot hot hands. One now is gripping her throat. Her feet have left the ground. She is all but limp. Spent. Looking one last time down at him. A grotesque smile was upon his face. Teeth showing. His mouth opening wide. The nasty sea water in her mouth flowed out and on to his face. He shook his head from side to side. He tossed her on to the ground. He leapt. Pouncing on top of her, like prey. She could now feel the warmth of his mouth on her neck. He was biting her. As he sucked her life liquid into his mouth she wanted to smile. He could have “it”.
As she drifted upward. Looking down upon him and what was once her. A song that had always ran through her head began to play for the last time…. “Hopelessly adrift, In the eyes of the ghost again, Down on my knees and my hands in the air again… Pushing my face in the memory of you again, But I never know if it’s real..Never know how I wanted to feel. Never quite said what I wanted to say to you, Never quite managed the words to explain to you, Never quite knew how to make them believable…And now the time has gone. Another time undone. Hopelessly fighting the devil of futility, Feeling the monster Climb deeper inside of me, Feeling him gnawing my heart away hungrily, I’ll never lose this pain…Never dream of you again.”
Wow lets make it epic