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She loved her place on the ocean hill drive. Staring out at the sea. It did not feel that so long ago she was once young and in love. From the first day she had laid eyes on him. She began to fantasize of their first moment.  She wanted him on her part of the beach. Her sand. Her water. It was all that she had but it was hers.  To feel the cold gritty sand on her back. The sound of the surf pounding behind them. With them. The Sizzle of the water as it rush across the beach. The weight of his body. Pressing her into the shore.To see the sky.  She wanted him. But he was so young.


Her Thoughts

The past is a place that few go with an open heart or an open mind. The past is always controlled by the view of the present. Nothing wrong has ever happened in the past unless you let it. But now her past has come calling. Wanting its payment in full. Payment that will change the futures of those she comes into contact with. Making them but a brief memory in the chain of events called her life. Nothing wrong has ever happened in the past, unless you let it, and she had. The clouds are starting to roll in. The wind is moving through the trees with out a care. Death’s shadow is on the ground. The beauty in its reds, oranges and yellow make it a festive thing so as to disguise the truth. What was once a giver is no more. A slow death is at her feet. A work of art that nature has taken time to build is no more. It pulls you in then just like a succubus stings you with it’s cold heart of winter. Grey skys and cold ocean winds. The icy tomb awaits. So does the future.


The Walk

She grab his hand. Pulling him in her direction. Pulling him, smiling as she did. But just for a second something deep was telling her to stop. Should she?  She pulled him. They walked along the beach. Feeling his hand. The old expression fits like a glove came to her mind. It had been a long time since something fit. Her hands where ruff and worn. His felt gentle. No scar’s of life have seen these hands. But should she. Should she give to him what was hers? He had not asked for it. Neither had she. Richard had given “it” to her. Now Richard was gone. Leaving her behind and it. Sometimes at night she could almost feel it. It moving through her. Eating at her. Draining her each day. Each hour. Each minute. She did not want to think of…of it. She wanted to be in the moment. This moment. This hour. This minute, with just him. Not it. The cold water lapped at their feet.   The sand buckled at each step. The grit between her toes made for her longing to feel love once more on her back. It was stirring. To stare at the sky one more time with a man in charge. Not it. But it would get in the way. It was throbbing. It had a purpose. She was getting dizzy.  They where almost there. Once around the bend they would be out of sight. So many had came down this path. Over the years she had forgotten the numbers. She was tired of it. Sick of it. Richard had never been honest with her. But his kind could never be. If she had only knew then.  She longed for someone to just take her away. As they stepped around the corner, the corner where it always happened she felt a pull from him. His hands now hot. Strong. Powerful. He pulled her so fast. So hard. She didn’t feel….it . She slump to one knee. Falling forward. Her hands now breaking the momentum. Sand between her fingers. Her palms feeling the burn of lost skin as the weight of her frame pushed them across the beach. Then she felt light. Her feet left the sand. Then the pounding of her heels hitting the water hard as she realized she had been flipped like a rag doll onto her back. She saw the sky.



The cold waves hit her face. She tried to breathe. It was water that came in. Choking her. The sky grew dim. His image was blocking her view now. The gurgling sound the water made as it was passing by her ears sang to her. Death was near. She turned her head to cough. But it would not come. Again the water hits her with its cold dead slap. Her nose now stinging. Full of salty liquid. She is being raised by her hair. His hands. Hot hot hands. One now is gripping her throat. Her feet have left the ground. She is all but limp. Spent. Looking one last time down at him. A grotesque smile was upon his face. Teeth showing. His mouth opening wide. The nasty sea water in her mouth flowed out and on to his face. He shook his head from side to side. He tossed her on to the ground. He leapt. Pouncing on top of her, like prey. She could now feel the warmth of his mouth on her neck. He was biting her.  As he sucked her life liquid into his mouth she wanted to smile. He could have “it”.



As she drifted upward. Looking down upon him and what was once her. A song that had always ran through her head began to play for the last time…. “Hopelessly adrift, In the eyes of the ghost again, Down on my knees and my hands in the air again… Pushing my face in the memory of you again, But I never know if it’s real..Never know how I wanted to feel. Never quite said what I wanted to say to you, Never quite managed the words to explain to you, Never quite knew how to make them believable…And now the time has gone. Another time undone. Hopelessly fighting the devil of futility, Feeling the monster Climb deeper inside of me, Feeling him gnawing my heart away hungrily, I’ll never lose this pain…Never dream of you again.”



Just an Old Jarhead ranting about his lawn.

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